Part 2: Why Narcissists Choose Empaths: A Psychological Explanation Without Blame!

THE SILENT EMPATH SERIES...

The Silent Empath Series explores the hidden strength, intelligence and leadership potential within highly sensitive individuals. Across six chapters, the series reveals why empaths are often misunderstood, why they attract narcissistic personalities, how they burn out, how they heal, and why their unique intuition will shape the future of work, AI and society. These articles combine psychology, storytelling and lived experience to show that sensitivity is not weakness — it is power in its most human form. By Chris...

The Attractor Field: Why Opposites Collide

To understand why narcissists choose empaths, you must first understand the dance of opposites.

In Jungian psychology, two forces are drawn to each other:

• the inflated persona (narcissist)

• the inflated shadow (empath)

The narcissist projects a larger-than-life image, designed to be admired.
The empath perceives the real person beneath the image and feels compassion.

This creates the initial attraction:

They see what others don’t — and that visibility is intoxicating.

Empaths don’t fall for the performance.
They fall for the potential.
This is their gift — and their vulnerability.

Meanwhile, narcissists are drawn to:

• warmth

• loyalty

• depth

• intuition

• emotional intelligence

• someone who “gets them” instantly

No one mirrors them as elegantly as an empath does — not in admiration, but in understanding.

For a narcissist, being understood feels like oxygen.
For an empath, giving understanding feels natural.

And the dance begins.

Empaths Are Not Chosen Because They Are Weak — But Because They Are Strong

There is a widespread myth that narcissists prey on weak people.

This is false.

The truth is uncomfortable — and empowering:

Narcissists choose empaths because they are strong.

Because they are stable.
Because they are emotionally intelligent.
Because they can carry what the narcissist cannot.
Because they offer what the narcissist lacks.

Empaths provide:

• grounding

• empathy

• admiration that feels real

• intuitive soothing

• emotional interpretation

• safety

• harmony

These are not the qualities of a weak person.
These are the qualities of a fully formed adult.

The narcissist senses this — long before the empath senses the danger.

The Three Phases of the Narcissist–Empath Dynamic

There are many variations, but the core structure is always the same.

1. Idealisation — “Finally someone who sees me.”

Narcissists feel recognised instantly.
Empaths feel needed — and valued.

Both get something they’ve been missing.

To the empath, the narcissist appears charismatic, confident, decisive, entertaining — a person full of life.
To the narcissist, the empath feels like a sanctuary.

In this phase, everything feels synchronised.

2. Devaluation — “Why aren’t you enabling me anymore?”

Once the narcissist’s insecurity resurfaces, the empath’s depth becomes threatening.
The empath sees too much.
Knows too much.
Feels too much.

The narcissist, who depends on admiration, experiences this as exposure.

Criticism begins.
Distance.
Gaslighting.
Confusion.
Coldness.
Control.

The empath tries harder — because they are wired to repair, not abandon.

This drains their energy.
Self-doubt grows.
Reality becomes foggy.

3. Disengagement — “The empath wakes up.”

At some point, the empath collapses internally.

Not in weakness — but in truth.

They stop explaining.
Stop absorbing.
Stop fixing.
Stop shrinking.
Stop apologising.

They recognise what has happened.

This is the empath’s awakening.
And it is the moment the dynamic ends — quietly, but permanently.

Once the empath sees the pattern, they never return to it.

Why Empaths Blame Themselves – And Why They Shouldn’t

Empaths internalise everything.

When something goes wrong, they think:

• “I should have been more patient.”

• “I must have triggered something.”

• “I wasn’t enough.”

• “I was too much.”

But the truth is simple:

You cannot heal someone who is committed to being admired, not understood.

Narcissists don’t enter relationships.
They enter reinforcement systems.

The empath enters relationships with the intention to grow together.
The narcissist enters to be validated.

Those two paths can run side by side for a while — but they eventually diverge.

And when they do, it is not the empath who is the failure.
It is the relationship that was built on incompatible foundations.

A Jungian Explanation: Shadow, Inflation and the Incomplete Self

Jung said:

“The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.”

In the empath-narcissist dynamic, the transformation is profound — but uneven.

The narcissist sees in the empath the emotional maturity they lost or never developed.
The empath sees in the narcissist the confidence they wish they had more of.

Both mirror a missing piece.

But only one of them is willing to grow.

Empaths absorb lessons.
Narcissists defend illusions.

This is why the empath ultimately walks away stronger:

They integrate the lesson.
The narcissist repeats the pattern.

What the Narcissist Steals — and What They Give Back Without Knowing

They take:

• time

• energy

• self-worth

• clarity

• emotional bandwidth

• trust

But they unintentionally give:

• boundaries

• self-respect

• intuition

• spiritual insight

• emotional independence

• a new level of discernment

No one teaches an empath to value themselves stronger than a narcissist does — indirectly.

This is why so many empaths say:
“It hurt — but it woke me up.”

Why Empaths Rise After Narcissistic Abuse

Because when you have given everything to someone who never gave back, you rediscover the value of giving to yourself.

And when your world becomes silent again, your intuition becomes loud.

You realise:

• you were not fragile

• you were overloaded

• you were not wrong

• you were unappreciated

• you were not too much

• you were with someone too little

And the moment you reclaim your strength, something irreversible happens:

You will never be chosen by a narcissist again — not because they don’t try, but because you no longer respond.

Your frequency has changed.
Your boundaries have formed.
Your intuition is awake.
Your silence has become power.

Next in the Series – Part 3: The Empath’s Burnout

In the next chapter, we explore what happens when the empath’s emotional system becomes overloaded — and how burnout becomes the turning point toward a new identity.